Nurturing a No-Nagging Zone

Proverbs 19:13b- A quarrelsome wife is annoying as constant dripping

We all have a list of things to do, and sometimes we feel that those tasks will never be accomplished.  When a task has a deadline, it increases the importance of that task, but what do we do when our spouse or child doesn’t feel the same urgency that we do?  Ladies..we tend to nag them.  It’s a natural response.  In my case, it’s an issue of letting go and not having control over the situation.  If I have control over it, then I know that it will get done on my timetable and I will be able to check it off my list.  However, life doesn’t work that way.

This passage in Proverbs compares a quarrelsome wife to water that constantly drips.  Have you ever had a leaky faucet? It can be a sound that wears on one’s patience and nerves, until somehow your brain adapts and you start to tune it out.  That’s what happens when we are quarrelsome or argumentative with people.  We wear on their patience and nerves until they start to tune us out.  Just last week I texted my son “I’m not going to nag you, but…” . I guarantee that he didn’t even read the rest of that message. 

The truth is in this world where most homes have two partners working outside the home full-time, and children with activities packing our calendars, we can get a little tired which can lead to irritability and stress.  I have no doubt that Satan loves to see our calendars full of activities and that he fully enjoys when we take our stress out on each other.  After all, he would love to destroy the family unit.  There is no other way he can hurt us so deeply or make us doubt God’s goodness than when we lash out on those we love and our family unity suffers.  We need to learn to pick our battles, and pick them wisely.

                Karen shares what choosing her battles has looked like in her marriage.

“I spent a good part of my first few years of marriage nagging my careful, thoughtful, SLOW husband to complete projects that he started, and to start projects that he didn’t think of and on and on and on.  What helped me to stop nagging was studying Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages.  This book helped me to see the good qualities that make my dear husband so careful, thoughtful, etc., and it helped me to see that my nagging was not good for my marriage.  I used to create false deadlines to push him along.  I used to try doing things myself to just get them done which infuriated him.  I used to leave notes and reminders.  I don’t do any of those anymore.  I let normal consequences occur, and that was difficult for me at first.  Now that I don’t nag him anymore, when I truly do need something done on a timetable, he listens and tries to do it in a timely manner.  We’ve come a long way baby!  Another thing that only God could do.”

We are under a lot of pressure to succeed.  Parents feel the pressure to perform at work so that they keep their job which continues to provide stability and financially for the family.  Kids are under pressure to succeed in school and in their extra- curricular activities.  Home should be the place where we can all come and not feel pressure, but there are things there that have to be dealt with too. 

Jeremiah 10:23 tells us “I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own.  We are not able to plan our own course.”  God is in control.  We are not.  Our homes don’t need to be spotless, we don’t have to be involved in every activity and win top honors in all of them.  In some cases, these issues are prideful and cause more pressure than pleasure to those involved.  If your home runs smoothly, and is a no-nagging zone, would you share with us your tips for success?  Your experiences might help someone that can relate to your situation.  We would love to hear from you!

Passages to Ponder:

Colossians 3:21- Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

2 Peter 1:5-6 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises.  Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness.

Romans 8:6- So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death.  But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 

Contributors: Karen Bromby and Kim McClure