It’s way past their bedtime on a school night, yet giggles
seep through the wall to my bedroom. They have separate bedrooms, but sometimes
waking hours aren’t enough for these two. I ponder whether I should scold them
and remind them of the late hour. I pause, as I’m reminded of other late hours
more than 13 years ago. Hours filled with the belief that the laughter of
children would never fill the space of my home.
Blood tests, fertility drugs, and endless frustration –
that’s what seemed to consume us for a good bit of 1999. Joe and I were married
seven years before. We already had three years under our belt of trying “the
natural way” to conceive. A visit to a fertility clinic was the logical next
step. As if the struggle of infertility itself wasn’t difficult enough, the
added appointments, tests and ultimate disappointments were almost more than I
could bear.
Within those four years, tears flowed freely – and often. Little
things most people wouldn’t even notice stabbed my heart almost daily – a
friend who complained incessantly about her children; stories of unwanted teen
pregnancies; and endless invitations to friends’ baby showers.
Though I questioned God a lot, I never questioned His love
for me. He placed people in our lives who had walked through exactly what we
were struggling with. Whether it was a shoulder to cry on, or a quick call to
say they were praying for my next doctor’s appointment, our friends and family
encouraged us in ways I can never thank them enough for.
After a year of failed fertility treatments, we decided to
let go. God had been faithful throughout the past four difficult years, and we
knew we could trust Him no matter what. We decided whatever God had planned for
us – be it with children or without – we would be ready. That was November of
1999.
On January 2, 2000 a little ‘ol pregnancy test came back
positive. Some people say it was because we weren’t so stressed out that we
were finally able to get pregnant – that we stopped worrying about it. I
believe God’s timing is perfect. When we were truly in a place of surrender to His will for our lives, God gave us our
miracle. Our daughter, Peyton, was born in September of 2000. Three years
later, we got another sweet girl – Madden.
Over the years, I’ve encountered many women who’ve faced the
pain of infertility. My constant prayer is that I can be of some comfort and
encouragement to them. I don’t know why difficult times happen, but I believe
God’s word tells us we can use those hardships to help others and glorify Him
in the process.
Kristy Tolley is a freelance copywriter and
editor from Tega Cay, SC with a soft spot for travel and tourism. Her blog reflects
her love of travel - and other passions. Connect with her on Twitter at @KristyTolley
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