June Hope Chest- Finding Hope In The Midst Of Loss by Jennifer Bias

Sometimes, life doesn’t turn out the way you had it planned, but I’ve learned that it’s okay because my life isn’t really up to me, it’s up to the Master Planner, the Creator of the Universe, the Kingdaddy of all, my God. 

The reality is I’m pretty happy that God takes that burden off me because His plans for my life are infinitely more wonderful than anything I could have ever come up with on my own. 

When I was a kid, there was a time when I really thought I had it all. Even though I was the “middle” child with two brothers, my family life was pretty cool. My Mom taught at the elementary school that I attended and she was the kind of Mom that kids would want to have, so I was always happy to make known that the cool teacher just happened to be my Mom. 

My dad was the high school principal.  In our small town, there was only one high school, and that made my Dad a big deal. It seemed that most of the people in that town knew who we were. Had I been a teenager, that fact could have been problematic in a myriad of ways, but as a kid, it was kind of special…until it wasn’t.

My dad had an extramarital affair with one of his employees. As with most small towns, it really wasn’t long before the whole town knew about it and most knew it before my Mom did. This very private “thing” was now a very public thing and it was really hard. 

The best thing that my mom and dad have done in my life is to introduce me to my best friend, God. I have always attended church and my journey of faith has been a lifelong one. I remember praying as many kids whose parents separate do, “Please God, let my parents get back together. You can do this!” Well, God did not have that in His Master Plan and times were tough but He worked in my mom’s life and mine. He equipped us to carry on without my dad as a major player in our lives.

We moved from that small town in West Virginia to another small town in West Virginia where a phone call to heaven is a local call. One of the best parts about growing up in Lewisburg was that I got the chance to be spoiled regularly by my grandmother, and she was THE best, really, I got THAT one, the best one. She epitomized my definition of a Christian woman and she helped my broken family pick up the pieces by giving us wise counsel based on her Christian ideals. I am a better person today because of her influence. And, it wasn’t too long before life started getting really good again. 

We began to find glimmers of hope for normalcy when, for the longest time, there was none. My brothers and I visited my Dad when we were “allowed” to, because my Dad ended up marrying the other woman, and she liked keeping my Dad to herself. But I still loved my father and enjoyed what time we were able to spend with Him.

During my senior year of high school, he was diagnosed with cancer. It rocked my world and I prayed regularly that God would restore his health. He underwent a few operations and some nasty chemotherapy but he died on May 20^th after my sophomore year of college, one month before he would have turned 50. I was a mess because I still needed my dad. Who would give me away at my wedding? My future kids would need a grandfather to go on fishing trips with and to be honest; I hadn’t said everything I wanted to say to him.

 I didn’t have long to gather myself after my Dad’s death before I had to begin my summer employment at an all-girls camp. Camp kept me busy and that was probably best because I didn’t have time to think about my recent loss, but as my Dad’s 50^th birthday neared, I began feeling a little sorry for myself and for the first time in my life, I was angry with God. 

• Hadn’t I prayed for years that my parents’ marriage be restored? 
• Hadn’t I prayed for years that my Dad’s health would improve? 
• I thought God answered our prayers. Didn’t it say in the Bible, “Ask and you shall receive?”

I was beyond consolable because I just didn’t understand why God had chosen to be silent with his response to my prayers. 

Now I know you are really not supposed to challenge God but I think He knew I needed my own form of a burning bush to save me. On the evening of my Dad’s 50^th birthday, God removed the clouds from the sky and placed a billion stars to dazzle this quiet night in the mountains of West Virginia. Simply put, it was a beautiful summer evening and God was really showing off. But I was angry and needed to prove to myself that God didn’t answer my prayers, so I laid down my gauntlet. I ranted, “I prayed that my parents would get back together, they didn’t. I prayed that my Dad’s cancer would be healed, it didn’t. And you took my Dad from me. Are you even there? Do you even listen to my prayers? God, if you are, in fact, there and you are, in fact, listening, then why don’t you make it rain?”

There were no plans for precipitation and the summer evening was just so beautiful that I just knew God wouldn’t possibly spoil it with rain. Not two minutes later, God anointed my face with a gentle sprinkle from heaven that would last but a few minutes but was enough to restore my faith and hope for a brighter tomorrow. The knowledge that the God of the universe loved me enough to make it rain when clearly it wasn’t in the forecast gives me assurance that He can do anything He wants and that my trust in Him would not be misplaced. 

The healing process had begun and once again, hope for a brighter tomorrow was restored.

I finished my summer at camp and headed back for my junior year of college. I was dealing with my grief but I wasn’t the same person I was. I was hardened a bit and had put up some walls in my relationships in an effort to protect my brokenness. I remember praying to God, “I’m not doing so well here, and I need your help. My friends are doing their part but I am holding them at arm’s length. Help me by sending me someone to help me through this, someone who will penetrate this invisible wall that I have put up?” Once again, God answered my request in only the way He could. God orchestrated a meeting between me and this mustached, country boy wearing blue jeans and cowboy boots who on occasion would call my sorority sisters Darlin’. God indeed works in mysterious ways because Rodney Bias was certainly not my usual type of guy. I like to believe that my Dad was up there in heaven with God and they said, “That One!” because Rodney grew up just a stone’s throw from where my Dad grew up.

Two years later, I married that country boy. In the nearly 22 years we have been married, we have raised three children who have turned out pretty well, moved 9 times, endured the heartache of the sudden death of my little brother and deaths of my three grandparents that I loved so deeply, in addition to suffering ridiculous financial losses tied into a declining real estate market. 

Admittedly, there have been times in my life when I was hopeless and my faith a little shaky, a little “Peteresque.” The disciple Peter has always been one of my favorites in the Bible perhaps because Peter was known to put his foot in his mouth a few times. He initially refused to have his feet washed by Jesus, but then asked to have his hands and his head washed. He was the swordsman who cut the ear off of Jesus’ arrester. Peter professed his love for Jesus yet denied Him three times when it mattered. 

In my life, I have taken my eyes off of Jesus, and I have stumbled and lost my way. Thankfully, Jesus remains by my side. Life is always moving forward, our past wounds are still with us but I think Jesus wants us to step out of the boat a lot more than we are willing. I really like the song by Hillsong United entitled Oceans, lyrics include “I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am yours and you are mine.” When you can, please listen to this song in the context of Peter’s faith and walking on our own waters.

I have seen God’s work in my life countless times and I am humbled by the fact that Jesus died for me. Christ’s resurrection is a beacon of hope.  At times, sometimes I don’t feel worthy but that’s when I recognize that His grace is extravagant. I think many times, people take for granted the Easter season. I love what Eugene Peterson says: “If you celebrate Christ’s resurrection only one day of the year, you’re missing something BIG. Because after the resurrection of Jesus, nothing is the same. Christ’s friends were utterly transformed by the resurrection. Their friendship, their work, and even the meals together took on a New Meaning and Purpose.” 

I live a blessed life. I have a loving family, live in a house that is bigger than I need with a pool out back, drive a car that is nicer than I deserve, and have a pantry that amply sustains even my hungry teenagers but the second I think that I have those things because of something that I or my husband have done, I hope God delivers us a gut-check because I know that everything that we have is because of Him and I am so abundantly grateful.

Recently, my son made a pretty big change in his life that he had spent time thinking about, but most importantly, praying about. When I asked him if he was at peace with that decision, he shared this little nugget of hope. “Sometimes you have to stop worrying and doubting and trust that things might not work how you planned but how God meant it to be.” And to that I say, Amen. There are plenty of doubters and worriers in this world, but what we all need is faith in God and the hope that brings to all who believe.

June Hope Chest- Hope Will Pull You Out of the Darkness by Michele Linville

Many years ago, I began to ask this question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”.   

I was actively involved in my church, was studying my Bible, and my prayer life was at its strongest.  I believed that God rewarded faithfulness, so why did my life begin to spiral out of control?

I had health complications my entire life, but at age 27 I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and began to suffer some major health complications. My husband was not a Christian and was an alcoholic.  His drinking had never caused major problems in our marriage, but he began to spiral down a road of depression and even heavier drinking which led to gambling addiction and infidelity.

After several years of praying and fighting to save my marriage, I found it was a losing battle that was exhausting  me mentally, physically and spiritually. My husband filed for divorce, both of my boys were diagnosed  with A.D.H.D. and my eight year old son required a child psychologist for depression. 

With my health still failing, I was forced as a single mother to care for my children alone. I drug them to their doctor appointments, set up individual education plans (I.E.P) with their schools and struggled with their learning limitations. I was in and out of the hospital while struggling to maintain a full time job to support my children. 

 I am not going to lie. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I prayed in anger asking God what His plan was for me because I was starting to feel like I had been forgotten. I was lying in a hospital bed after yet another surgery feeling so alone, like even God had abandoned me, and I opened a card from a friend that had Hebrews 13:5 printed on it. “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 It is amazing how God can speak to us if we just listen. I began to realize that God never promised my life would be easy. I also started trying to focus on what I did have instead of what I didn’t have. 

• I had two beautiful, healthy children, in spite of the limitations with education we were facing.
• I had incredible parents that stepped up to the plate and did as much for me as they could when I needed them. 
• My best friend had supported me unconditionally through all of this and spent hours nurturing me as I licked my wounds.
• And as bad as I was struggling, I reminded myself that there were people facing terminal issues that had no hope of a cure.

 I still had hope of recovery.

 There it was. A small word of only four letters that pulled me out of the darkness I had crawled into.

 HOPE.

 It was a life altering revelation, God hadn’t moved, I had. He was still there waiting on me to trust Him. I changed my prayers from, “Why me?” to “Help me accept your will.” Speaking from experience I can tell you the hardest thing you will ever do is completely trust God with all aspects of your life. I stopped worrying and started feeling hopeful that God would deliver me. And if He didn’t, then it was my responsibility as a Christian to know there was a higher purpose for my life than living a life of contentment.

 How many times throughout the history of the Bible had God been at active battle with evil? And any war that He fought, He always sent his strongest soldiers. And when those soldiers were called to battle, how many, like myself, whimpered and complained? 

But God always knows better than we do.

 I began, through prayer and study, to realize He hadn’t given up on me but had led me into battle knowing my limitations and more importantly my strengths.  I began to focus all of my attention on my church and my children.

 God led me into a relationship with a Christian man. Joe was a man I had known all my life and I knew he was a man of integrity and kindness. He had raised two boys with A.D.H.D. ,was  incredible with my boys, and understood my frustration.

 After some time had passed he began talking about marriage. This made me nervous, because I didn’t want to make another mistake. I prayed one night asking God to give me a sign to show me which direction He wanted me to go in. I wasn’t ready for marriage but didn’t want to decline if it was something God was putting before me. The very next afternoon, Joe took me to our church using the excuse that he needed to adjust the projector for Sunday’s service. After we walked up to the front of the church he dropped to one knee and began a proposal that still gives me goose bumps to think about.  He told me that God had brought us together, and he wanted us to be married with God and our church as our main focus. He also said he wanted us to blend our families together into one.

 He basically said everything that I had prayed the night before. It was as if God was not only giving me a sign but using my very words in Joe’s proposal to confirm my faith that this was where he was leading me. 

To wrap up my story, Joe and I married in 2005 and he has helped me raise my boys into responsible, intelligent men who refused to let their learning disabilities limit them. My oldest son has a heart of gold and has transitioned into the working world with little problem. My youngest son graduated high school this year, is an Eagle Scout and  a responsible, amazing young man. I have two step sons, two daughter in laws and five grandchildren that love me unconditionally. I have been in remission from Crohn’s since 2005. 

Coincidence? I really don’t think so, my faith tells me differently.

 I still have struggles with my health but nothing I can’t live with.  I have learned to take nothing for granted, even a small little word like Hope. That one little word  helped me move mountains.

 Never give up. God has a plan for each of us.

 I share my story with you hoping that someone out there can relate to my situation or find hope in the fact that God will never leave you.   All things are possible with God, so even when life gets hard, Let go and let God!

 Never give up hope.

Putting The Brakes On Our Anger

Do you have someone in your life that makes your blood boil?  You know, the kind of person that when you see their name in your inbox, you just immediately get angry. 

In speaking to a group of moms recently, there was an overwhelming agreement that anger pops up most for them when someone wrongs their children. Moms react like a mother bear protecting her cubs totally fixated on the issue and not able to see anything else.  Sometimes, the issue is raised in an email, and sometimes the issue is raised in person.  Either way, we have to choose how to respond with our keyboard or with our mouths.  

It’s a common battle to speak before thinking, because for most of us when a situation goes awry, the thinking instinct goes out the window.Any time we let our emotions control a situation, we step out of God’s will, and those children that we are trying to protect, are watching us to see how we handle the situation. 

Anger, in itself, is not bad.  It’s just an emotion like any other.  The key is how we control it.  Perhaps our speed is the key.  James 1:19 tells us that we need to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Be Quick to Listen

When conflict arises, there is usually a certain point where it’s like you have cotton in your ears.  You’re done.  You have heard all there is to hear, and you don’t want or need to hear any more. Stop it!

We have to continue to listen.

Just like a recipe, we need all of the ingredients in order for it to work.  In conflict, we need to know what is making this happen.  What has been put into it that’s creating this result?

• Listen. 
• Ask questions.
• Listen some more. 
• Ask the Holy Spirit to open your heart and ears, and to shut your mouth (or stop your fingers from typing). 

Be Slow to Speak

• Sometimes, it helps to go ahead and type up the response that you want to say….just don’t hit Send, choose to Save it.
• Let some time go by, 24 hours is usually a good period of time for emotions to cool and to think.
• Pray about the situation.  Ask God to either resolve it, or to take away your feelings of anger.  Ask Him to give you compassion and clarity.
• Seek godly counsel from a neutral friend.  Note the “neutral” part.  It’s easy to talk about it with people who you know will agree with you.  Choose someone who has no insight to the situation.
• Chant out loud, “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord.” This can be found in Psalm 19:14 and there is great power in calling on the Word of God verbally, (it scares the enemy).

Be Slow to Get Angry

Okay!  You’ve successfully held your words, what then?

• Go back to that saved email response, and revise it in love before you send it.
• Meet with that person, and express your feelings calmly and rationally.  Keep that chant in the back of your mind “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord..May the words of my mouth and the mediations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord.."

Words spoken in anger can’t be taken back.  They can be forgiven, but they are rarely forgotten by the people who you speak them to or by the people witnessing the situation.  Keep in mind that the ones we are trying to protect are watching us. How would we want them to respond?

Passages to Ponder:

James 1:19-20  Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters:  You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  There is no law against these things!

Ecclesiastes 7:9- Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.

Psalm 19:14- May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Contributors:  Karen Bromby, Jodi Dunbar, Michele Killion, Kim McClure, Brooke Radnor and Kristy Tolley

Winning The War With Pearls

Have you ever gotten to the end of a day and felt like you’ve been in a war?

Most of us are not in a physical war, but if you’re a Christian you are fighting a spiritual battle every day. When Christ returns, He will destroy Satan and all of his weapons.  Until then, we need to stick together and stand strong, helping each other resist attacks from the enemy.

You might be imagining an explosive kind of attack and sometimes that’s how they come, but usually our enemy is much more subtle.  The more subtle he is, the more division among Christians he can cause, even among people who have been loyal to Christ for many years.

How can we fight? Be a PEARL.  

Each pearl is different from another, like a fingerprint, and they are hard to break when they are genuine.  

Just like us..

PEARL: Pray, Employ, Analyze, Release and Love

PRAY

Prayer is not just talking to God, it is also listening.  By drawing near to God, He will draw near to you.  Stay in His word and in prayer every day, because apart from God we will fail.  You might frequently find yourself brought to your knees by life circumstances.  However, that’s a great position to start waging warfare in prayer.  The process of pouring your heart out to the Lord in prayer will draw you closer to Him and strengthen your resistance to things not of Him.

EMPLOY

Use the power of the Holy Spirit that lives in you.  He lives in you, and His services have been paid for.  Jesus took care of that bill and paid it in advance.  As a Christian, your actions and words are usually good reflections of one who loves and follows Christ, but your thoughts are more fertile ground for Satan if we aren’t careful.  Resisting the enemy is not done alone. 

The enemy only has the control that we allow him to have.  When you feel overwhelmed, verbally say “Get away from me, Satan, in the power of Jesus’ name, you have no authority over me.”  It works.  He has no power over the name of Jesus.  The Holy Spirit will get rid of him.

ANALYZE

One of the most subtle and tricky ways we are attacked is through our thoughts. Our enemy is a master at taking our actions and words and twisting them to make us feel inferior.  Our hearts and thoughts are ever so close together.  When your heart is hurting about a situation, your thoughts tend to marinate on that topic far too long. Really think about what is hurting you and capture each thought before you say things you will regret or let that thought invade your heart.  This requires humility by admitting the negative thought first, praying for the power to overcome it, and then allowing God to work.  That is when your thoughts can be straightened.

RELEASE

This might be the hardest of them all.  In order to be humble and receive help from God, we have to release the issue into His hands, giving Him control of the situation which means that we have to stop trying to manipulate the outcome.  Humble people don’t manipulate.  Prideful people do.

Do we trust that He hears us and that He has the perfect answer and the perfect plan? We say “YES”, but still struggle because we want it our way.  When it comes to praying for our loved ones, we can be divided between what we want and what God has planned.  Our goal should be to pray, listen for the answers, release control of the situation, and ask for the strength to handle God’s plan.

LOVE

We need to walk in love.  Love never fails.  NEVER.  When conflict arises, choose love.  Choose to speak to people from a place of love, not of hurt and anger, and when you do speak out of hurt and anger, be humble and apologize.  When people look at you, do they see a person who is loving and loyal to Christ or someone who allows themselves to be divided between Christ and our world?  Our witness and our love can be the difference in someone coming to the Lord or not.  By the way, we will all fail at this from time to time.  Because of Christ’s love, we can ask for forgiveness and start over with a clean slate.

I encourage you to be like a PEARL, a genuine individual that is hard to break and can stand strong by Praying, Employing, Analyzing, Releasing and Loving.

Passages to Ponder:

James 4:7-8  “So humble yourselves before God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come close to God, and God will come close to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.”

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 “We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.  We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God.  We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.”

Ephesians 4:22-24 “Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.  Put on your new nature, created to be like God- truly righteous and holy.”

Contributors: Karen Bromby, Catherine Caracio, Kathy Derda, Jodi Dunbar, Susan Haynes, Michele Killion, Kim McClure, and Brooke Radnor

February Love Letters- Love Is A Wonderful Thing by Julie Meikle

The saying by Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get,” resonates with so many in our society.  For the most part, I would agree with this statement. So many times our circumstance take us on paths we never expected and/or imagined. Yet, through each walk, each moment, we are defined and refined and hopefully, it is for the better of others, and ourselves, but mostly for the glory of God.

Our lives and our paths are most often determined by our choices, we actually can choose the type of chocolate, the type of mate, the type of marriage we want…..we don’t need to aimlessly and carelessly hope for the best piece…..then hope we are satisfied.

Today, we are bombarded with the idea that “anything goes,” do what makes us happy, and if things get too hard, then quit and move on to something else….to greener pastures…something that fulfills our immediate needs and desires.” 

Thus, words such as marriage and love become words of convenience and compromise, lacking in faith and commitment.

I must confess, when asked to share my experience and thoughts regarding my marriage, I humbly laughed because I will be the first to tell you that I for sure do not have nor do I claim to have the perfect marriage or life. I also will tell anyone and everyone that marriages should be based on I Corinthians 13, that marriage is hard and requires work and commitment, and that your mate and others will always fail you, but it is our wonderful Father who will never fail us, leave us, or stop loving us.  It is in Him we need to put our trust.

My “love story” may seem odd and unlikely, especially in today’s norm. You, see I fell in love when I was in high school and married my husband shortly after graduation. Everyone (teachers, mentors, close friends and even family) discouraged me from getting married so young.  I was told to live it up and experience life and settle down when I got older.  

Yet, for me I never desired to go out and “live it up” for I believed “living it up” was sharing life with the man I loved.   I had been raised in the church my entire life and was blessed to have a heritage of long marriages in my family from my great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents. 

I knew that my husband, Mark, had all the traits I desired: Christian, country boy, good Christian family, funny, smart, ambitious, and he loved kids. I was just blessed to have found him so early. 

Thus, we vowed on June 20, 1987 before God and our family and friends to love and cherish each other till death do we part. We were going to live happily ever after.

Then life truly began.  

Two bachelor degrees, two master’s degrees and other certifications between the two of us (which equated to almost 10 years of school), two kids, six job changes and nine moves has equated to quite a roller coaster ride. 

People may look at us now and think, “Their lives are so easy…they have all these things.” Yet, they have not seen the sacrifices and/or traveled the long road with us. 

There were many days I didn’t like my husband very much and I know he felt the same towards me. There were days when the kids were sick and we were physically exhausted and wanted to just “get away,” days when he was stressed from work and came home in a mood, days when we were just selfish and ugly, and days when we had to once again tell our children that we were moving because of dad’s work, but one thing was for certain, we had each other and God would take care of us.

We knew our marriage was an investment and that love was not built on “raw physical” (though that is how most of our relationships begin) or just a moment of elation, but rather it’s a commitment, a choice we make to love this person (flaws and all) and grow old with them. Mark and I made time for each other and always tried to share many of the same interests and activities. My needs were different than his needs and we each needed to be in tune to each other’s feelings and desires. It’s a choice we make every day, just as we choose to serve God. It’s a mindset that “I love you just as you are and I’m not going to keep trying to change you, but love you unconditionally like Christ loves his church.”

This past year has been one like no other.  My daughter became engaged in June and married in November. The wedding ring she selected was one with three bands based on the scripture from Ecclesiastes 4:12, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” My daughter and son-in-law know that a strong and happy marriage has God as the center, holding it all together.  My husband and I have prayed for her and the man she would someday marry since she the day she was born and I love that God is faithful and that we are witnessing His goodness.

Today, we are empty-nesters and I am struggling like never before. Twenty years of having a houseful of kids with laughter, noise, fights, and tears…..just seems like it went away……in the blink of an eye. Now, my husband and I are alone again and trying to work through this next chapter in our lives.

While having the “woe is me” attitude last week, my dear friend who just lost her husband of 27 years to cancer called.  She was sad and lonely and needed a shoulder.  The one thing she said has helped me reevaluate and appreciate all those “little things” we all so take for granted: “you know, I have no one to come home and vent to, I have no one to sit with me in church, I have no one to help resolve issues with my kids, I have no one to call to say I made it or I am on my way home.  I have no one to hold me.”

Love is a wonderful thing. 

Marriage is a gift….an opportunity to “do life” with the one we love. Now through much prayer and gratitude, I am focusing my attention back to my husband and to our marriage (though I am still in transition…not going to lie). God has richly blessed me with health, a loving family, wonderful friends, and most importantly a spouse who loves me and shares this life on earth with me. “For every good and perfect gift comes from the Father.” James 1:17 

February Love Letters- Love Will Bring Us Comfort by Marla McDonald

My mother told me she was diagnosed with leukemia right after my second daughter was born.  She told me while sitting around the kitchen table. 

I can’t imagine how hard that was for her.  Here she was, celebrating a joyous occasion, yet she had to break the terrible news. 

But she was a believer in God Almighty.  From the beginning she told me, “I will be okay”. She constantly told me how she knew the Lord was using this for his glory and she had just decided to surrender to that.  She had many ups and downs.  She would think she was cured, then a few months would go by and her blood work would say otherwise. 

About 4 years later, she called me one day, crying and said she was tired of fighting and she wanted a quality of life over quantity.  That was extremely difficult to deal with…..your mother, who you think will just be around forever, is telling you her time is nearing.  After two more years of very hard battles, we gathered together as a family in my mother’s hospital room.   It was time to say good-bye.

I’m going to back track now to two nights before we let Mother go be with the Lord.  Mother was pretty much out of it in the hospital….hooked up to tubes, being supported totally by medicine and a breathing machine.  We knew what we had to do, but oh was I dreading that drive down to North Carolina.  I really did not want to go, but I knew of course I had to. 

I was very afraid.  

The night before I left, I got up to go to the bathroom.  I looked into the mirror and stood there amazed at how I looked.  I looked really tired, awful, thin and just stared at myself for a minute.  I couldn’t believe how much I looked like my mom.  It’s hard to explain, but I just saw myself in a different light.  It made me think, if I’m this tired, then imagine how tired of fighting mother must feel.  I went back to bed. 

Fast forward to the long drive down to NC.  I got to the hotel where my sister and I were staying and we sat down to talk that night.  She told me she had a weird story to tell me.  She told me that she had looked in the mirror last night and her eyes looked just like mother’s eyes.  It was amazing and that she just kind of looked at herself taking it all in.  I broke down crying and she thought I was crazy; then I told her about MY story of seeing “mother in my face”.  We both could not get over how we had the same strange experience on the same night. (although it didn’t surprise us THAT much because MANY things had been happening, and continued to happen after she passed). 

 I tell you this story is because God gives us comfort, signs, people, songs etc. at the exactly the RIGHT time, when we need them.  We feel this was God’s way of saying mother will continue to live on through us, she will always be with us, and she will be okay.

 We spoke to mom a lot in the hospital.  We have no idea if she heard us, but a tear did roll down her cheek.  After she died, my sister and I left and immediately went shopping to find her something to wear for the funeral.  As soon as we walked in Dress Barn, “In the Arms of the Angels” started playing on the store sound system.  Again….we feel that was a sign from God letting us know everything was okay. 

We saw many things like this when mother was sick.  My sister witnessed my mom, who was still out from anesthesia, speak in tongues while she prayed over her.  This was something none of us had ever been exposed to in our lives, but it happened right before our eyes!  

A few weeks after my mom died, I was crying pretty bad in the shower one day; just depressed from everything.  I remember telling God I felt like I was in darkness and asked “where is the light Lord”? There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  That night while we were all sleeping, I was awakened by my husband.  He poked me and sort of scolded me for not turning the lamp off (the one next to my bed).  I told him I never even turned it on and I always turn the lights out before bed.   I had no idea how this lamp got turned on in the middle of the night; but I knew what it meant.  I feel that light coming on in darkness, was again, God’s way of saying, Yes!  There is light and it will all be okay.  My husband had a hard time believing my story but I think in the end he got it. 

I know these may seem farfetched to some, but it is real and this isn’t even everything that has happened.  But I wanted to tell a few stories to illustrate that God will let Himself be seen if we are open to it.  

My sister was so moved by these events that she got up at the funeral and basically preached salvation to a packed sanctuary; something she would have NEVER done before.  She said the Holy Spirit just moved her to do it. 

How do we feel the comfort?  We have to be quiet, humble and just have an open heart.  And of course we can ask God for it, because he tells us he will give us the desires of our heart.  God can comfort us after loss.  We have to ask him to change our perspective and let us see what he sees.  He sees eternally and we can’t really see past the next 20 years or so.  

Our definition of time is not His.  

Our definition of healing is not his. 

I feel God prefers internal, spiritual healing over physical, because our bodies are not with us forever.  Our souls are what live on in Heaven, but we cannot get there unless we commit to Him and his son Jesus Christ.

God did heal my mother…..just not on this Earth.  

Although I miss her so bad, she was really sick.  I wouldn’t have her back if it meant she had to live with that awful cancer.  I know she is TRULY LIVING right now.  I hope if you have experienced a loss, you will find comfort in these words.  God knows our pain; he gave us our emotions and is the ultimate comforter.  I will leave you with one of my mom’s favorite verses.  It is very simple but says a lot: “Be still and know that I am God.”

Love Is Loyal

There are loyalty rewards programs in almost every business I go to.  My wallet is full of them, and when I go to pay and they ask “Do you have our card?”, it takes me a minute to find the correct one.  Businesses want our loyalty and they are willing to reward us for it.  

How does this work in our relationships? 

Loyalty can be hard to find. The word means “unswerving in allegiance”.  UNSWERVING?  That didn’t say ran off the road, it says that it never even swerves.  It stays straight.  I wonder how many relationships could be saved if all parties chose to stay straight and just decided not to swerve? 

When you find someone who is loyal to you, treasure it and nurture that relationship.  When you see loyalty in action, it’s always refreshing and inspiring. It might have been created through your birth/bloodlines, or it might have been earned by friends.  We choose to be loyal to people by our hearts and minds.

When you love someone, you are loyal to them.  I love God, so I am loyal to Him.  Even when He is allowing me to be in the desert for a while I am loyal to Him, because I love Him and I trust Him.  God never makes me question His loyalty.  His love is unconditional and endless.

I choose to be loyal to God and I show Him this by obeying Him.  That might not be my initial reaction.  Sometimes, I have to remind myself to obey first and to do what is right and honorable.  The Lord will bring about the heart change, if necessary, and honor my decision to follow His ways.

Jodi shares the following testimony of seeing loyalty in action:

Being a friend who loves at all times takes loyalty.  That is something the Lord has blessed me with greatly.  I have been blessed with loyalty through great trials.  When family and friends could not fathom our daily battle, they still gave endless support.  This support came without hesitation, judgment, or even understanding.  The result of that lifted my spirits, encouraged my walk, and caused me to give thanks knowing it was the Lord who gifted me with these relationships.  Once you experience this, hold tight and strive to do the same.  May we nurture these relationships and not take them for granted.”

Our greatest example of loyalty is that of Christ.  I hope, we as women, can always be loyal to those we love and have been entrusted to us.  Above all, may we be loyal to Him and our boldness in standing up for His truth.  The rewards are awesome!

Passages to Ponder:

Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back.  Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live.  Your people will be my people and your God will be my God.  Wherever you die, I will die and there I will be buried.  May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us.

Proverbs 3:3- Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!  Tie them around your neck as a reminder.  Write them deep on your heart.

Hebrews 10:35- So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!

Contributors:  Karen Bromby, Monica Brown, Jodi Dunbar, and Kim McClure

Love Will Unite Us

United we stand, divided we fall…

We have all heard that motto.  While reading through the book of Matthew recently, I was reminded of it when Jesus says, “Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed.  A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.” (Matthew 12:25).

It is common knowledge that families are being torn apart at an alarming rate in our society.  A non-chalant attitude toward sex, and the pressure to compete with jobs, money, cars, etc. has infiltrated many family units causing words and actions that can’t be taken back.  The hurt remains, even after the apology has been given (if there is one).

Can love unify us?

Can love make us stronger and keep us working together and in support of one another?

Keeping any group of people united toward one goal is a tough job.  Every group needs a peace maker.  There is a vast difference between peacemaking and peacekeeping.

Peacemaking is hard work.  It requires facing the problem head on in love.  Peacekeeping address the symptoms and tries to draw attention away from the real problem.  What is the root of most disagreements?  Pride.  We want something and we aren’t getting it, or we don’t like the way that things are being done or choices that other people are making.  It’s human nature to think that we know best for ourselves and for everyone around us, but letting that ego invade our relationships will doom them.

We all want our families, teams, departments, and any other unit we are in to be successful.  No one likes to fail, but if conflict isn’t resolved, that’s exactly what happens.

What can we do?

• ·         Respect:  Set boundaries.  Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.  At one time or another, we will most likely lose our temper with those around us.  Be aware of your boundaries being crossed, and walk away.  Find a quiet place, breathe, and ask God to help you before you go back, or just drop it.
• ·         Research:  Find the real issue in the conflict.  Be sure you aren’t yelling at your husband for not taking out the trash when in reality you’re upset because you don’t feel like you’ve spent any real time with him lately.  It’s not always easy to be honest with your feelings, but sending mixed messages will always end poorly.
• ·         Risk:  Take a risk and compromise.  Discuss ways that both needs can be met, or agree to go along with a choice until a certain time or goal has been met, and then try your way to see if things get better.  However, don’t ever compromise your beliefs or morals..just your pride.
• ·         Reconsider:  Is the issue really important?    When you look back in a year, will this matter?  Ask yourself these questions before you continue to stress your position on the subject.

Our enemy wants to destroy our families because he knows that’s where our heart lies.  If he can get to our hearts, it makes us more vulnerable, and makes us doubt what we know as the truth.  It happens every day to people we know.

Let’s choose to love and ask for guidance so that we stay strong TOGETHER.

Are there other ways that you deal with disagreements?  We would love to hear from you.

Passages to Ponder:

Matthew 5:9-

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.

James 4:1-3  

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?  Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?  You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it.  You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them.  Yet, you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.

Colossians 3:14

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Contributors:  Karen Bromby and Kim McClure

February Love Letters- Love Bears ALL Things by Kim Stein

"I don’t know if I want to ”..

Those words changed my life and those of my family forever. 

That is what my husband, and father to our four children, told me over lunch one day. That was his reply to my request to seek counseling for the distance I was feeling in our marriage. 

Yeah, I was devastated and dumbfounded. 

This was a “man of God” who promised to love, honor and cherish me forever. He held my heart and my forever. Now, he was not sure he wanted to work on our marriage.  That reply was not what I expected at all. I had been thinking we needed a vacation, not a divorce. 

That would come later after the truth would come to light that he was done with me, our marriage, and was involved with another woman.

Love is patient…. Love is Kind…. Love Bears all Things…… Blah… Blah… Blah…

I had to rethink this whole “Love” thing.

The Love for my children I was good with.

Love of my parents, siblings and dear friends – Sure. 

A romantic, passionate lasting love of a man for me???– not so much .

I was certain God had sent my husband and his love to me, but somehow we killed the love that had been between us. We do that sometimes when we allow the storms of life to overtake us. We pull to pieces what God had put together. No person goes outside a marriage that is healthy and whole. God is the only wholeness. God allows us to choose, and now I had to live with choices that were not mine when my marriage ended.

God showed up for me in ways large and small as I fought the dark thoughts that entered my head. “If only I had… If only I was …enough….

My faith family dried my tears, held my hand, listened to me cry and curse, and most importantly prayed with me and for me.  God sent his angels to me in the loving people he put on my path.  They showered me with God’s Love. 

And the healing began..

God whispered in my ear , “You are mine and you are more than enough. My son gave his life so you can have life.  Get up and go live the gift your life really is”.

It is very simple. God’s Love is Patient, God’s Love is Kind. God’s Love bears ALL things - Forever.

That is the only Forever any of us truly need. 

February Love Letters- Love Doesn't Settle by Kim McClure

I always wanted to get married and have a family. However, when I was young, I never really could see it happening for me. There were times when I thought maybe it would, but I’m not sure I would have put the word ‘happily’ in front of the word ‘married.’ The only way I pictured it was settling for someone and  leading a quiet, normal life.

When I told my grandmother that, she told me to pray that God would send the man that I would want to marry and that I would be happy with..not settling. She told me to pray with specificity about the kind of man I wanted God to send. I did. It’s funny when I think back to what the characteristics were that I prayed for, but I remember: liked to play baseball, wore a baseball hat, loved God, loved me, was a good provider and a good father to the two kids we would have, preferably a boy and a girl 2 years apart.

Sound familiar? If you know me, you know that I married a man who played baseball in high school, occasionally wears baseball hats, loves God, loves me, is a great provider and a fabulous father to our two kids who just happen to be a boy and a girl born two years and 4 months apart.

I never had a serious relationship until I met my husband, Jason. I went out with guys and “dated” a few, but each time I thought about marrying that person, I knew I would have been settling. I was one of those people who always considered if the person I was dating was marriage-material or not. I had a lot of friends who told me that was crazy, and just to have fun, but I always thought the purpose of dating was to find a husband, and if that person wasn’t it, why are we wasting time?

I had just ended a rather unhealthy “relationship” (that might be stretching it) in college, when I felt God tugging on me and reminding me to look to Him for guidance, so I did. I made some promises to Him about changing some things in my life, which I still keep 24 years later, and very soon, things started to come into motion.

I was sitting in my room of the Alpha Chi house with several girls discussing guys and how there weren’t any good ones in the world, when my friend Shawna said, “We just need to fix you up with someone nice. Hmmm.” Then she, Jodi, and Tammy all said “Jason McClure” at the same time. I had heard his name before. He was friends with all three of them. I had driven Jodi to his apartment for tutoring in Accounting 215, he had called our room before to talk to Shawna, and Tammy had lived in his dorm freshman year. Shawna set it up, and on January 20, 1990, I went on a blind date that went very right.

We got married in 1992 after graduating from college, and he wanted to move to Cincinnati. I refused to move. We had our first child in 1994, and then our daughter in 1996. 

In 2001, the company he worked for was sold. We were told we could move to New Jersey with the parent company, or he could take a severance package. I refused to move to New Jersey!

The job market in WV wasn’t great, so he found an opening for Controller at Carowinds in Charlotte, NC. He applied and got the job. The VP Finance who was looking at hundreds of resumes said that his stuck out because he went to Marshall University. She was engaged to a man was from the town where we went to college. That’s the reason his got pulled from the huge stack she’d received.

So, we took a leap of faith and moved to Charlotte, and had an awesome 3 ½ years there, and then we moved to Cincinnati. 

Yep, the same place I refused to go to at the beginning of our marriage. Jason was then working at Kings Island. We had a great 3 ½ years there, when he was offered the position of General Manager of Dorney Park in Allentown, PA.

 It was a great opportunity for his career, and the advantages it would provide financially for our kids’  education and future couldn’t be denied. We didn’t even know where Allentown was. The Billy Joel song  as all we knew (and it really isn’t even about Allentown, it’s about Bethlehem, but Allentown sounded better in  he song), but we again took a leap of faith.

 He got into the truck headed to Allentown with a map. We’d never been there. I know it sounds crazy, but we’ve had a great 6 years here. The craziest part? I live 30 minutes from New Jersey.

Yup again, the second place I refused to move to earlier in our marriage. The truth is, no matter where we live, love anchors us and holds us steady.

When I have chosen to trust God, He has always provided.

· My husband is the love of my life. I did not settle, and I can easily put the word ‘happily’ in front   of the word ‘married.’

· I still hold those three girls, Shawna, Jodi, and Tammy, as three of my dearest friends.

· It was God that made Jason’s resume stand out in that stack that started our moving journey.

· I’ve met amazing people through our various locations and jobs, with each bringing growth and

  blessings.

I’m thankful that God has a plan for me and that He waited patiently until I was ready to let Him work in my life. 

My daily prayer is that my children find the spouse that God has chosen for them, and that they will allow God to work in their lives too. My youngest is graduating from high school in June, and my empty nest awaits. It makes me cry occasionally (okay, maybe a lot), but I’m also excited for some one on one time with my hubby in yet another new location. It’s not the quiet, normal life that I was afraid I would have to settle for; it’s so much more.

February Love Letters- Love Can Be Trusted by Kristy Tolley

It’s way past their bedtime on a school night, yet giggles seep through the wall to my bedroom. They have separate bedrooms, but sometimes waking hours aren’t enough for these two. I ponder whether I should scold them and remind them of the late hour. I pause, as I’m reminded of other late hours more than 13 years ago. Hours filled with the belief that the laughter of children would never fill the space of my home.

Blood tests, fertility drugs, and endless frustration – that’s what seemed to consume us for a good bit of 1999. Joe and I were married seven years before. We already had three years under our belt of trying “the natural way” to conceive. A visit to a fertility clinic was the logical next step. As if the struggle of infertility itself wasn’t difficult enough, the added appointments, tests and ultimate disappointments were almost more than I could bear.

Within those four years, tears flowed freely – and often. Little things most people wouldn’t even notice stabbed my heart almost daily – a friend who complained incessantly about her children; stories of unwanted teen pregnancies; and endless invitations to friends’ baby showers.

Though I questioned God a lot, I never questioned His love for me. He placed people in our lives who had walked through exactly what we were struggling with. Whether it was a shoulder to cry on, or a quick call to say they were praying for my next doctor’s appointment, our friends and family encouraged us in ways I can never thank them enough for.

After a year of failed fertility treatments, we decided to let go. God had been faithful throughout the past four difficult years, and we knew we could trust Him no matter what. We decided whatever God had planned for us – be it with children or without – we would be ready. That was November of 1999.

On January 2, 2000 a little ‘ol pregnancy test came back positive. Some people say it was because we weren’t so stressed out that we were finally able to get pregnant – that we stopped worrying about it. I believe God’s timing is perfect. When we were truly in a place of surrender to His will for our lives, God gave us our miracle. Our daughter, Peyton, was born in September of 2000. Three years later, we got another sweet girl – Madden.

Over the years, I’ve encountered many women who’ve faced the pain of infertility. My constant prayer is that I can be of some comfort and encouragement to them. I don’t know why difficult times happen, but I believe God’s word tells us we can use those hardships to help others and glorify Him in the process.

Kristy Tolley is a freelance copywriter and editor from Tega Cay, SC with a soft spot for travel and tourism. Her blog reflects her love of travel - and other passions. Connect with her on Twitter at @KristyTolley