June Hope Chest- HOPE- Healing, Opportunity, Peace and Empowerment by Renee Mullins

I am a 46 year old mother; my daughter is a freshman in college and my son is a freshman in high school.  I have been married for 24 years in June, not all happily I might add.  I am nearing the end of my second year of a graduate degree in Social Work.  I can remember applying for the graduate program in June 2012.  “I hope I get accepted”, was the phrase used most often until I received the letter of acceptance.

 The word hope is used and over used but what does it really mean? 

 I often heard and used the word hope as I was growing up, and throughout my life, but never really thought much about it.  I would say things like, “I hope you feel better, I hope you have a great day or I hope it doesn’t snow today”.  

What is hope, really?  The definition is “the feeling that what is wanted can be had” and I will add only by faith.  

I thought that getting married, buying a home, having children, nice cars, “stuff”, a lot of friends, and putting my kids in “The World of Sports”  would bring me what I hoped for most in life which was inner peace and happiness.

After 17 years of marriage I grew tired of myself.  The things in life, the stuff in life, the people in life were just not providing the peace I searched for and I was in a continual state of anger, anxiety and frustration trying to cope with life and fulfill that void with busyness.  We began to struggle a bit as a family.  I had quit my job to stay home with my children after we had bought a home more than we could afford at the time.  I would say “God will provide for us” and He did. My husband would receive a promotion or receive a monetary gift from his family.

I knew that God would test us, and that He would provide a safety net, but I was just going through the motions of a relationship with God.  Our hopes and dreams were tied up in a home, in stuff, in people.   Where was the inner peace I hoped for?  

Looking back, I know God provided for us each step of the way, however my hope was not in Him, it was in “life”.  We had what you call “the American Dream”.  That is what I hoped for before marriage.  That is what I thought would bring me peace and happiness.

I was baptized at age 30.  It was a ritual of sorts if I am being honest.  I knew I wanted to love God, love my neighbor, be a good person and have my kids grow up in church, doesn’t everyone?  Isn’t that what we all hope for, isn’t that what going to church is all about?  If we accept Christ,  doesn’t everything we hope for come true? That’s what I thought.

I quickly got involved in my church.  Life seemed to be going along quite well, however the anger, anxiety and frustration began to take a toll on me.  I was baptized, I wanted to know why was I not experiencing a “different feeling”?  

In the fall of 2007 I began praying for change, and in February of 2008 my life was turned upside down and all around.  Much of my traumatic past had been suppressed for 40 years and it came back to me in a fury.  God answered my prayer – He does listen; change was happening and He would not stop until I received what I hoped for; inner peace and happiness, however not without much struggle, personal work and pain.  

I began seeking therapy.   I turned to friends, and I used writing as a coping mechanism. I experienced major depression, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal, dishonesty and I am here to tell you it was a living hell.  I had thoughts of suicide. I prayed to die, and it was painful. At times I felt as if I was going crazy, my mind would not shut down but Romans 5:3-5 kept me going “And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces “hope”, and “hope” does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us”.  I now have a new found character.

After a 6 year journey, I can now see the light; God’s light. I lived in darkness for a very long time.  I would see the light then it would get very dim and often almost snuffed out.  I never stopped talking to God, however I doubted Him, and I grew very angry at times.  I was much like Peter, I denied Him more than once.  

My mentor continually reassured me “I was not crazy” and “God was in this”.  I read scripture and many different authors,  began working with a mentor/spiritual director, continued in therapy,  got involved in ministries at a new church,  began working towards my graduate degree, and practicing yoga and meditation.  

Now in 2014, God’s light has shined on me to stay. I am committed to work for Him and for his splendor, not my own.  Colossians 3:23 “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people”. 

 His Spirit has brought me the hope I always searched for, prayed for and desired in my life; inner peace and happiness…this is not my final chapter, it takes many chapters for a good book; I will continue working with God’s help; the best is yet to come for HOPE has provided me healing, opportunity, peace and empowerment. 

June Hope Chest- Hope Plants A Seed To Flourish by Tammy Holtzapfel

Hope, by definition, is not merely a wish but a great confidence concerning the future.  Hebrews 10:23 says, “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful.”  Unswervingly means without doubt.  Don’t hesitate.  Don’t stutter.  God is faithful.  He will fulfill all promises.  

The God of the universe gave us hope.  How incredible!

When I was asked to write about hope, I had difficulty narrowing my list down to a single instance or circumstance. My husband and I have been working with teenagers for the past 25 years in various capacities: full time paid youth leader, part time paid, volunteer, camp leader, counselor, coach, teacher, Young Life leader, etc.  Why do we do this one might ask?  It is something in which we feel very passionate.

 It was our youth leader that showed us the hope that Christ has for us and we truly believe that this needs to be shared with others, specifically teens.  There are so many changes that happen within the teenage years.  They are trying to find themselves, fit in, be liked, loved, accepted, etc.  They are very formable years while they are beginning to make decisions that will affect their life. It is a great time to share Christ.  Therefore, we have dedicated our life to showing teenagers His love and the hope He has for them.

One thing that I have encountered with teens is the lack of hope that they feel.  Teenagers have trouble seeing past what is happening in that exact moment.  They react to that very moment and cannot see pass it. Their emotions are all over the place.  They feel that they are the only ones that have ever felt that way.  Some have the worst home life imaginable. They have seen or been in situations none of us have ever encountered.   Some come from terrific families that give them all the love and support they need.  Teenagers come from all spectrums of life.  But, they are all equally important and need to know the hope that is in Christ Jesus.

Several years ago, Julie (name has been changed) was one of my 8^th grade students. She is a smart young lady with a learning disability which she worked very hard to overcome all on her own.  She gave school work 100%.Her grades were mainly A’s with a few B’s.   She lived with the sister of her mother’s boyfriend.  Her parents were divorced and neither of them wanted her.  Her mom is a pole dancer and does drugs regularly.  Her dad is pretty much out of the picture even though she loves him very much.  He constantly broke her heart (not wanting to see her).  She chose to stay with this friend because she felt safe and wanted.  

 At the beginning of the school year, she was caught smoking pot in the restroom at school, and was suspended along with a couple of her friends.  The day she returned to school, I had a heart to heart talk with her about the choices she was making; drugs, friends, family, school and eventually about God.  We even talked about her future and what she truly wanted out of life.  She did not want to be in the mess that her parents were in at the moment.  She wanted to make something out of her life, but couldn’t see her future any other way.  From her vantage point, it was very gloomy.  However, I helped her to see the potential.  

Someone just needed to tell her about it and what her future could hold.  She needed some mentoring, someone to love her and show her the hope that Jesus has for her.  

Today, I am happy to say  she is a junior in high school.  She emancipated herself  from her parents and is living with an aunt.  She works a full time job, pays  her own way and goes to school full time.  Her grades are still incredible and she is planning to go to college to be a nurse or work with special needs children.  Through the past 4 years, she has been volunteering her time with special needs kids, and she is truly amazing with them.  She loves on them and tells them about the God of hope.  I am very proud of her and cannot wait to see her graduate from high school and from college.  She will be the first in her family to step out and be the person that God made her to be.  I have to believe that all this occurred because she realized there is hope!

There are plenty more stories  like this one.  And there are stories in which I do not know the end.  However, we are here to plant the seed, help water it and sometimes see it flourish.  

Romans 8:24-25 says, “For in this hope we were saved.  But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what he already has?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”  

June Hope Chest- Hope Heals by Stacy Sheppard

 2 Corinthians 1:4

"He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble, with the same comfort we ourselves, have received from God."

This is a true account of a series of decisions that have impacted my life and will hopefully impact those whom I encounter in this life. It is by God's grace, I am able to tell you this story. For almost 20 years, I have kept this story to myself, and suffered in silence. I, only recently,  started reaching out to women who have found themselves, in this same desperate situation.

I was in love! Crazy in love! 

It was 1995, and I was a sophomore in college, at Marshall University. I had fallen in love with the most handsome fraternity boy, and he was just as crazy in love with me. We explored college life together and overindulged into what seemed like the perfect college experience. We were young and living free from our parents and their rules. It was a time of ultimate freewill that eventually led us to a path of destruction.

Several months into the relationship, I noticed that my normal trim size 2 jeans, were fitting a bit snug around the waist. I remember thinking; I better lay off the late night Taco Bell runs. It wasn't long before I realized that I had missed a period. I was pregnant.

How did this happen? I was taking my birth control pills.....most of the time.....I think.

I bet I took a half dozen pregnancy tests before I finally came to the realization, that I was inevitably pregnant. 

My boyfriend took the news rather well. He was supportive of any “final” decision that I made. Decision? I am a 20-year-old, single female, without a job, or a car, living in a sorority house. What was there to think about? 

I wasn't ready to have a baby. I felt like a kid myself. I had always been a "pro-choicer". Many of my friends and even family members had terminated their pregnancies and it didn't seem like a big deal. In fact, they never talked about it again. I decided right away that I would terminate my pregnancy. I thought it was the right choice for me. 

Besides, I kept hearing a voice, kind of like a harsh whisper telling me things like, "You’re too young to be a parent", "You’re going to get fat and your boyfriend will leave you", "No one will ever want marry a single mom with baggage", "You will never finish school and you will have to live on welfare forever." 

But, something else was tugging at my heart. What was it? It felt like guilt or maybe condemnation. I found out later that it was called conviction. But, I didn't know anything about conviction. I knew about God, and something about his son, Jesus, but I had never been taught about being a sinner or getting saved. I was taking a theology class that same semester, and I was considering a lot of different religions at the time, but Christianity wasn't really one of them. I scheduled an appointment at the local abortion clinic. I was still really early in my pregnancy, so I had several weeks to think it over.

I started to feel alone and scared. I cried every night, and even wished for death. 

I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to about my little situation. I couldn't understand why I was having such a difficult time. I started to consider that perhaps what I was doing was wrong. I called the abortion clinic and talked to a counselor. She convinced me to come into clinic to talk about my feelings. I agreed, and made an appointment the very next day. 

The abortion counselor seemed so nice and non-judgmental. I trusted her immediately. She had answers to all my questions and fears. She convinced me that at my stage of the pregnancy, it was nothing more than just tissue and clumps of cells in my uterus.....it wasn't a baby, unless I wanted it to be. 

At the end of our session, she asked me "What would keep you from terminating your pregnancy?" I stuttered a few words, and then said, "Maybe there is a God, and maybe this is murder." I still remember her sly, seemingly sweet smile as she opened her file and handed me two full pages of biblical scriptures that she said "supported abortion". If that wasn't enough, she then handed me a signed doctrine from a Catholic Priest, which said no matter what choices that I made today, God would forgive me. It was a twisted, dark lie that this pro-abortionist sold me that day. I made my final decision and had an abortion that next day, which led me down a deep, dark path of anguish and despair.

I didn't know what to expect during the procedure. They gave me a muscle relaxer and told me to wait until I was called. I scanned the room. Some women were alone, some were with their boyfriends or husbands and others were with their mothers or grandmothers. 

No one spoke a word. It was eerily quiet until the nurse would come out and call each of us back by name. It was my turn. I got up slowly and went into the back room. As I prepared for my procedure, I looked up and saw a familiar face. It was the face of my very own Gynecologist. He had been the one that had started me on birth control pills, just a few months prior. He seemed surprised to see me, but quickly assured me that he would take good care of me and it would be over quick. 

The procedure itself lasted less than a minute.

I was quickly escorted out into the next room and was given birth control options. I asked for the most reliable option, other than the birth control pill, as I had already demonstrated negligence. I was told that the Depo Provera shot was 99.9% reliable and I eagerly accepted the injection. No one bothered to explain to me that the injection only lasted for 12 weeks. It was only 4 months later, that I found myself in the same predicament only to repeat the same mistake. 

I was told not to talk about it. My boyfriend didn’t know how to comfort me, as he was also dealing with the outcome and consequences of our actions as well.

I suffered in silence. I felt depressed and sad. I contemplated suicide. I started cutting my wrists and arms with razor blades. I didn't think that I deserved to live. I felt like I deserved to suffer. I remember standing at the top of the stairs of the sorority house and wanting to jump. I cried myself to sleep at night. No one really knew how sick I was....

I wish I could say that I found the Lord right away and asked for forgiveness of my sins, but it didn't happen that way. I was angry with myself. I went on a path of destruction, before I ever found my sweet, loving and glorious savior. 

Thank you Jesus for Your grace and Your mercy. Thank You Jesus for your forgiveness of my sins. Thank You Jesus for the destiny that You have set before me.

I have always had a heart for women, even before I had a relationship with God. I have a heart for the broken and the lost. I remember what it is like not to be saved. It is lonely, painful and full of deceit. I don't want to ever return to a life where I don't know the Holy Spirit. 

Several years ago, a lady prayed over me at a tent meeting, and proclaimed that it was my destiny to bring birth to women. I didn't know what she meant at the time, but I have kept the words that she spoke over me close to my heart. I feel that God brought me out of that dark place to give comfort to those who need healing from abortions, and to expose the ugly truth about the lies, that others spread about choosing death.

At the beginning of this month, a 20-year-old girl walked into my outpatient practice, and told me that she was unexpectedly pregnant. She announced that she was planning to have an abortion and had made an appointment, at the very same abortion clinic that I had my procedures 20 years prior. My heart sank. I could barely contain my emotion and hold back my tears. She had a friend with her that day, and something inside me told me that my timing was off and to keep my mouth shut. I prayed for her daily and tried contacting her almost every day, only to receive a disconnection notice. I had almost given up, as I was sure that she had probably already terminated her pregnancy. One day before her scheduled procedure, she walked into my office and requested to speak with me. God showed up in a big way. I shared my story and my regrettable decisions. I didn't leave out a single detail. I don’t normally tell my patients about personal life events, but God pressed me to educate her on the truth about abortion. As she left my office, she told me that she had been asking God to send someone to her that would understand her predicament. 

She chose life that day. 

I am healed by the blood of the lamb, but there is not a single day that goes by, that I do not think about my babies, whom I have named Nathaniel and Nikki. Abortion has lifelong consequences and I have high hopes that I can help expose the truth.

Hope Gets You To The Light At the End of The Tunnel

Have you ever felt like you are in a tunnel that seems to be closing in on you while getting darker and darker?  It’s pretty safe to say that everyone has felt like that at least once.  You might be struggling with people disappointing you, health issues, despair, anxiety, changes, ..that list could go on and on and on, but believe it or not there is a light at the end of that tunnel.  Only God knows how long we are going to have to walk through it until we reach the end, but don’t give up hope and look for the light.  Eventually, we will get to the other side.

In 1 Samuel, we read that Saul hated David.  David was constantly on the run from him, and David did not know why he hated him so much.  We are going to meet up with some challenging people in our lives, and dealing with them while trying to figure out who we can trust can be physically and emotionally taxing.  People may let us down and hurt us , but the Lord won’t ever leave us, hurt us or let us down.  He is walking through that dark tunnel with us, and He wants to protect us from the walls that seem to be closing in.

When we struggle with our health or an addiction, we seek the help of doctors, family, friends, and even advice on the internet.  The tunnels where these struggles take place can be long ones with many sharp turns, but God is with us, giving us the power to keep moving through them without stopping. It’s likely that fear will take over if we don’t choose to lean on God and call on Him to help us get through it.

God does hear us when we call on Him.  And what does He want in return?  Our obedience and trust. 

He wants us to trust Him enough to ask Him to help us, believe in the way He rescues us (whether we like or agree with it or not), and then be thankful.  He is our strength when we are weak, and that means that He deserves the glory in a victory!

We, as believers, need to be in a spirit of thankfulness for all things God has done for us.  Then He will hear us.  We cannot walk as we desire and expect answers from Him only when we choose.  The Bible tells us that Jesus is our intercessor and our prayers and the cries of our hearts are taken directly to the throne of the Most High.  That gives me comfort. 

When you’re in a tunnel..

·         Do you call to Him or try to do it on your own?

·         Do you trust God enough to get you through until you can see the light at the end?

·         Do you see it as an answer when He does rescue you?

Don’t give up hope.  He will rescue you, and He deserves the glory for it during the journey as well as when it’s over.  Don’t forget to truly worship Him when He pulls you out.  He desires it and He deserves it!

Passages to Ponder:

Psalm 50:15- Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.

Hebrews 7:24-25- But because Jesus lives forever, His priesthood lasts forever.  Therefore, He is able, once and forever to save those who come to God through Him.  He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf.

I Thessalonians 5:18- Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Contributors: Karen Bromby, Maria Kucharczuk, Michele Killion, Kim McClure and Kristy Tolley

June Hope Chest- Hope Will See You Through by Annie Murray

My husband, Jacky, and I have always had an incredible marriage but have not always put our faith in God to see us through the hard times.  We were able to get by on the promises of the world, so we got comfortable and never really had to lean on the hope and promises of God. 

 After being married in 2003 and enjoying life for a couple of years, we decided to try to have children.  After some failed attempts and some discouraging times, we decided to take matters to a doctor and fertility clinic.  All this was taking place in North Carolina and all this was taking place without our dedication to God.  

Yes we were good people, but was God trying to teach us something about us and about Him during this time?  

In March of 2006 Jacky and I decided to move from NC to Alabama to pursue a new career.  We still didn’t have children and we now had to put that part of our life on hold to get acclimated to our new home that was so far away from friends and family. 

Again, no participation of faith on our part, but looking back we know that God was there the entire time. 

After getting settled in to our new home in Alabama, we went to a new doctor to again pursue our dream of having children.  We put our hope in a man instead of God.  Medicine helped us have our beautiful son, Aiden, but was it really medicine that allowed such a blessing to take place? 

Fast forward to 2014.  We have very recently dedicated our lives to Christ, and realized that hope in earthly things is no hope at all.  Hope in Jesus Christ is the only hope that springs eternal.  

We, now, have a new hope.  

Since I recently lost my job, we hope more and more on the promises of God.  I am reminded of some key pieces of Scripture like Jeremiah 29:11 which says “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  During all those times of doubt and times of us placing our trust in men, God told us in His Word that He knows the plans he has for us! 

 Another truth we hold on to is spoken in Deuteronomy 31:6.  “Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord you God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you.”  Having gone through all these things could have broken us. 

 Losing my job in December could have put us over the top and sunk us into a pit of despair but we fear not!  We hope in the Lord!  We know that God will never leave us nor forsake us and He is with us wherever we go.  We know that “all things are possible for one who believes”. 

 Friends, fear not and hope for things eternal!   It’s seeing us through and it will do the same for you!

June Hope Chest- Hope Is The Necessary Component by Marshaye Lynn

If someone had asked me about the distinction between hope and faith 20 years ago, I would have debated that they’re synonymous. Now that I have much more experience under my belt, coupled with various victories, I understand the difference. God has a way of taking care of us and providing everything we need. 

Hope is that necessary component that keeps us connected to the Lord, with expectancy, knowing that whatever we ask for, He will provide.  I have reflected over the past 10 years of my life, and I noticed an awesome pattern of what God has provided for me. 

He has provided me strength and security, protection and healing, love and friendships, confidence and deliverance, and most importantly, fulfilled promises and peace. Because the Lord has provided all of this for me, I have a stronger, renewed hope. 

Just when I think the passing storm in my life will be the worst ever, I can rest easy knowing that if God brought me to it, He’ll certainly get me through it! Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This scripture speaks to me in so many ways; I have to expect God to carry me through whatever trial or test I face, with a plan to give me hope for my future. In other words, He will provide exactly what I need and it will work out for my good, according to His will. 

I am a witness of God’s fulfillment of His promises of hope and how He provided for me. My mother, who lived in Birmingham, Alabama,  was re-diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004; my little brother was still in high school and my sister was away in college. Where was I living at the time? In Cincinnati, Ohio, eight hours away from my mom.

 My relationship with God at that time wasn’t as established as it is now, however, I was close enough to Him to put my trust in Him! As I was driving back from through Nashville returning to Cincinnati one Saturday, I talked to the Lord about my mother’s situation.

 I cried.

 I pleaded. 

I poured my heart out, asking for direction and strength because I felt so lost. 

I told God that I was scared and unprepared to handle what was going on and that I needed more time—for my siblings and for myself—I knew in my heart that I wasn’t able to accept the inevitable outcome then. This wasn’t a selfish prayer request, but I had to make my petition known and I wanted to make it plain in what I was hoping for. 

I asked God to restore my mother’s health and to allow her to see my little brother graduate high school. This was her desire—it became my priority.

I stepped out on faith knowing that God heard my prayer. You see, I expected Him to honor my prayer request. I also expected Him to prepare me for everything else that I would have to endure from that point in my life and onward. I hoped that God would put everything and everyone in my path that I would need to get through that difficult time in my life. 

My mother lived long enough not only to attend my brother’s high school graduation, but she made it her mission to see him off to college! God’s goodness continues to give me hope.

 I expected God to restore my mother and to heal her and He did. Her healing came afterwards—she shared with me before she passed that, “my healing may not be on this side.” I was able to accept it, even though it was painful. My confidence in God fortified my faith and gave me more hope to keep trusting in Him, to keep leaning and depending on Him because He will provide what we ask for and more.

I have hope for my future as a believer. There is nothing that can discount my hope

June Hope Chest- Hope Leads You to Where You Need to Be by Jennifer Searls

 Jeremiah 29:11- "I know the plans I have for you said the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future." 

This verse is a verse I often repeat to myself.  My uncle sent it to me when I had just graduated from college.  I was at a crossroads in my life, as many are at such a time.

We spend so much of our lives in the same routine beginning when we are five and starting Kindergarten.  Same thing every year.  Get up and go to school until summer and then get up and do it all over again the next year.  Transitioning from high school to college is a bit of an adjustment, but it is still the same.  Classes and friends.  In my case- a lot of fun.  

Then it ends.  

You graduate and the rest of your life begins.  What?  No promise of the same routine.  

The summer before my junior year, my parents moved to West Virginia.  I continued my education in Connecticut.  My senior year brought some strife between me and my best friend.  It’s a long story, but it involved a guy.  

After I graduated, I left all of my friends and moved to West Virginia with my family.  No friends, no boyfriend, no job and no prospects for the future and I felt lost.

That’s when my uncle sent me this verse.  I wrote it down and hung it on my wall beside my bed so I could be reminded that God did have a future for me.  

He knew how badly I wanted to meet someone I could share my life with.  

He knew how badly I needed friends. 

He knew I needed to find a job that I would find fulfilling.

 I prayed for these things and had hope that they would come my way in His time. 

We often don't want to wait for His time because we have our own timeline.  I know I certainly did.  But, I am also a firm believer in everything happening for a reason and sometimes those reasons aren't visible until later on in life. 

I see it all clearly now, and that verse of hope helped me get through it.  

God had a plan for me.  

Thank goodness my parents moved to West Virginia.  I eventually landed a job at an advertising agency.  There, I met a woman who introduced me to the man who is now my husband.  I also met a girl who continues to be one of my best friends.  It also got me involved in a church where the members would become my family after my parents made yet another move to Ohio.  People I still keep in touch with today; Kim McClure included.  

This church taught me the lesson of forgiveness that allowed me to get back in touch with my best friend.  I am now the godmother to her oldest son and it as if no time has passed.  That story of forgiveness has helped lead others to forgive and renew relationships. 

So, there I was in a new state without anything familiar and no hope of anything new -only to have it bring me to the life I am living today.  

None of it would have happened had my parents not made that move.  My life would be completely different and I cannot imagine my life being different. 

The hope that God gave me through that verse helped me get out of my depression. It helped me get on my feet and try new things and be led to where I needed to be led.  I am not one who loves change, but knowing that my heavenly Father has plans to prosper me and has plans to give me hope and a future makes change a little easier to deal with.  

If you are ever at a crossroads and wondering what the heck is going on in your life- repeat this verse to yourself and know it will all work out in the end because your Father wants to see you succeed and has brought you down the road you are on for a reason.  Just know that God has your back.  He has a purpose even when you can’t see it.