"I don’t know if I want to ”..
Those words changed my life and those of my family forever.
That is what my husband, and father to our four children, told me over lunch one day. That was his reply to my request to seek counseling for the distance I was feeling in our marriage.
Yeah, I was devastated and dumbfounded.
This was a “man of God” who promised to love, honor and cherish me forever. He held my heart and my forever. Now, he was not sure he wanted to work on our marriage. That reply was not what I expected at all. I had been thinking we needed a vacation, not a divorce.
That would come later after the truth would come to light that he was done with me, our marriage, and was involved with another woman.
Love is patient…. Love is Kind…. Love Bears all Things…… Blah… Blah… Blah…
I had to rethink this whole “Love” thing.
The Love for my children I was good with.
Love of my parents, siblings and dear friends – Sure.
A romantic, passionate lasting love of a man for me???– not so much .
I was certain God had sent my husband and his love to me, but somehow we killed the love that had been between us. We do that sometimes when we allow the storms of life to overtake us. We pull to pieces what God had put together. No person goes outside a marriage that is healthy and whole. God is the only wholeness. God allows us to choose, and now I had to live with choices that were not mine when my marriage ended.
God showed up for me in ways large and small as I fought the dark thoughts that entered my head. “If only I had… If only I was …enough….
My faith family dried my tears, held my hand, listened to me cry and curse, and most importantly prayed with me and for me. God sent his angels to me in the loving people he put on my path. They showered me with God’s Love.
And the healing began..
God whispered in my ear , “You are mine and you are more than enough. My son gave his life so you can have life. Get up and go live the gift your life really is”.
It is very simple. God’s Love is Patient, God’s Love is Kind. God’s Love bears ALL things - Forever.
That is the only Forever any of us truly need.